Elisabeth Elliot, a renowned Christian author, missionary, and speaker, left behind a legacy of profound wisdom, particularly regarding faith, love, and suffering. One of her most frequently quoted statements on love offers a powerful insight into the nature of selfless devotion: "Love is not a feeling; it is a decision." This seemingly simple sentence unlocks a deeper understanding of love, transcending the fleeting emotions often associated with the term. Let's delve into the profound implications of this statement and explore related questions many people ponder.
What does Elisabeth Elliot mean when she says love is not a feeling?
Elliot's assertion challenges the common misconception that love is primarily an emotion, subject to the whims of our feelings. We often equate love with butterflies in the stomach, overwhelming joy, or passionate desire. While these feelings can certainly accompany love, they are not its defining characteristic. Elliot emphasizes that true love, particularly the kind she championed in her life and writings, is a conscious choice, a commitment made regardless of fluctuating emotions. It's a decision to act with kindness, compassion, and selflessness, even when feeling anything but loving.
Is love a choice or a feeling? Can it be both?
This is a question that has captivated philosophers and theologians for centuries. The truth is, love can be both a choice and a feeling. The initial spark, the attraction, the infatuation – these are often driven by feelings. However, sustainable, lasting love transcends these transient emotions. It requires a conscious decision to nurture the relationship, to forgive, to persevere through difficulties, and to prioritize the well-being of the beloved, even when it's challenging. Elliot's point emphasizes the enduring power of choice in sustaining a loving relationship. Feelings come and go, but a conscious decision to love remains a constant force.
How can I love someone when I don't feel like it?
This is where Elliot's quote becomes particularly practical. There will be times in any relationship, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, when feelings wane. Disagreements, disappointments, and hurt can temporarily eclipse our positive feelings. It's in these moments that the decision to love becomes paramount. It means choosing to act in loving ways: offering forgiveness, practicing empathy, demonstrating patience, and actively working towards reconciliation. This doesn't mean suppressing negative feelings; rather, it means choosing to act out of love despite them. This can involve seeking professional guidance, self-reflection, and conscious effort to rebuild emotional connection.
What are some examples of love as a decision?
Consider these examples:
- Parenting: Parents often make countless sacrifices for their children, even when tired, stressed, or frustrated. This is love as a decision – a commitment to nurture and care for another human being, regardless of their behavior or the demands placed upon them.
- Marriage: Marriage requires consistent effort, compromise, and forgiveness. The decision to love one's spouse through thick and thin, through challenging times and celebratory moments, is a testament to love as a conscious choice.
- Friendship: Supporting a friend through a difficult time, even when it's inconvenient or emotionally taxing, demonstrates love as a decision. It requires prioritizing the well-being of the friend over personal comfort or convenience.
How does this relate to Christian faith?
Within a Christian context, Elliot's understanding of love aligns with the teachings of Jesus Christ, who demonstrated unconditional love through sacrifice and service. Christian love (agape) is often described as selfless, sacrificial, and unwavering – a love that chooses to serve, even when it's costly. This aligns perfectly with Elliot's perspective: love is not a feeling we passively experience, but a commitment we actively choose.
Elisabeth Elliot's quote on love provides a powerful and enduring message. It encourages us to move beyond the fleeting nature of emotions and embrace the transformative power of conscious choice in building lasting, meaningful relationships. It's a reminder that true love requires consistent effort, sacrifice, and a commitment to act with kindness, compassion, and selfless devotion, even when it's difficult.
